Sunday, December 25, 2011

RE: Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial

It's Christmas day and I'm sitting in my room with the door shut sipping Diet Coke. Most Christians on this day are remembering the birth of Christ, reminding EVERYONE and their grandmothers that Jesus is the reason for the season. And He is. He really is.
However, I think I've read one too many Facebook statuses complaining about how people say Happy Holidays instead of Merry CHRISTmas. After all, Jesus is the reason for the season. So instead of thinking about the birth of Christ (which I maybe should be doing), I am contemplating all the reasons I don't understand Christianity.
I consider myself to be a Christ-follower and if someone asked me, for identifying purposes, I consider myself a Christian.
I do not consider myself a religious person, however. I think of religious people as those who stand on the street corners telling everybody that they're going to Hell. In my humble opinion, that is not the way to show God's love. After all, Christianity is not a religion...it's a relationship. (insert more cliche sayings)
But most people think of Christianity as a set of rules. You MUST read your King James bible for at least a half hour every day, pray, give to the poor. You may NOT drink alcohol, buy lottery tickets, smoke, read Harry Potter or Twilight, cuss, listen to secular music, have fun.
Actually, I am convicted about a good majority of the things that I listed that you may not do. I have watched alcohol ruin lives...I think that gambling is a huge waste of money...smoking is gross and horrible for you (so is Diet Coke, I'm sure)....I think that opening yourself up to Harry Potter is entertaining witchcraft. I have known people heavily into the occult and I can tell you that even though Harry Potter is technically fictional, witchcraft is very real and we have no business entertaining it. Twilight is pedophilia and a shame to any well written novel. I hate when I hear Christians cuss all the time.
I am not convicted about listening to secular music but content does matter.
Most Christians I know don't think of these things as a big deal but I do. I don't think that saying Happy Holidays is a big deal but apparently it is. Where do we draw the line about what's right and what isn't? I understand the concept of conviction but as Paul said in one of his letters, everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial. However, do these things that we do ruin our witness to other people? Why do we spend more time trying to justify the things that we're doing instead of reaching out to people and being a Christlike example? I don't really know if any of the things I listed are technically wrong but I have seen those things ruin witness to those in the world. Seriously, where do we draw the line!? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

God is weird...

I love God, don't get me wrong...but He is so weird. Maybe people would consider this blasphemous and maybe it is. But if we are called to be Christ-like and if Jesus Christ is the Son of God, then aren't we called to be weird too? I don't really understand a lot of things that go on or why things are the way that they are. I'm sure God has a reason for it but it doesn't stop me from thinking that He's weird. Here are some of my random thoughts about why I think God is weird. Are these some of my Christ-like qualities? I wonder...:
1. He is perfect and nobody else is. What's up with that? That makes Him different than the rest of us and therefore weird.
2. I don't understand why there is a murder of crows outside of my dorm room window every night. I think that it's really creepy. Why did God make crows? Is He trying to make a funny joke? Why are a bunch of crows together called a murder? I bet that there's a reason for that.
3. I don't understand why I am always haunted by his eyes or his perfect smile. Or why I can think of a million reasons why I am wasting my time. Or no matter how many times I ask God to make it go away or get frustrated, it never goes away.
4. I wonder why God gave me the personality that I have or the silly dry sense of humor. I don't understand why I'm shy or an introvert. I don't really understand why people don't believe me when I tell them that I am.
5. I wish I knew why God made words like weapons...or why I am always the one on the battlefront getting bullets of hurtful things shot at me? My wounds still remain unnoticed by most because I try and stay strong.
6. I wonder why God made my mind the way that it is and why I am afraid to let anyone else in completely. I wonder why I like to know random information that has absolutely nothing to do with anything.
7. I wish I knew why I try to fight battles for others. Does God mean for this to happen?
8. Is God's love language love?
9. Why are men and women sooo different from each other? And why do we try to understand each other when we know deep down inside that we never will?
10.  Why do I enjoy making things so complicated? Is this a Christ-like quality too?
11. Why does He know absolutely EVERYTHING about us and still love us unconditionally anyways? It doesn't make any sense to me but I'm thankful that He does.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Love is an idiot!

(I wish this phrase was original but it isn't. I read it on a Facebook status and it inspired me.)

Is love an idiot or am I an idiot? I knew from the beginning that I never would have a chance but I entertained the thought that it might...possibly...maybe...happen. Maybe I was right. I secretly hope that I wasn't but I'm sure I am. I know all of the cliche answers, most of all "just wait. Focus on God. Be content." I am not at peace with these answers. I can't help it, I have the mind of a poet where everything inside is a beautiful painting of feelings and possible scenarios sprawled across the sunset; your perfect smile lighting up the near darkness. It really stinks that this scene will probably never take place outside of my head. One eye is searching through the darkness for another adventure and someone else to care about that may care about me back because I know you're only in my imagination.

It is almost like we have a choice to love someone or not to love them. Funny how we think that we can be around someone who is near perfect and not fall head over heels for them. It amuses me how we think that it's possible...but I don't think that it is. I think that everything under the sun has a reason, including love...whether or not it's reciprocated.  A life lesson if you will. The real question is; is love an idiot or am I?

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Pointless Bitterness...

God has been teaching me a lot about forgiveness lately...after my first year out of high school, a girl that I know hurt a lot of people that were close to me at the time. As I am very, very protective of my friends and sometimes try to fight their battles (I'm working on it.), I decided that I didn't like her anymore. Fast forward three years, this girl just happened to live in very close proximity to me in the dorms. I automatically put up a defense after three years of bitterness being built up and tried to make as little contact with her as possible. I wasn't necessarily rude or anything, I just wanted very limited conversation. I have known since last semester I was supposed to talk to her about it and forgive her...I'm going to be completely honest right now, I made every possible excuse in the book to avoid it.

  1.  I'm really shy. 
  2.  I didn't really know what to say.
  3.  I didn't really want to.


 and the list goes on...and on...and on...

On Sunday night, we had a worship night and she was sitting very close to where I was. God was like, "Hey...you need to forgive her." I was speechless...I didn't really know what I was supposed to say...I planned on giving all of the reasons why I was bitter to God and figuring out why I was so bitter....wait, uh...God? Can I just forgive her without me saying anything? PLEASE. PLEASE. Exactly what I was planning on doing.  He had other plans. I started to pray but it kept coming up in my mind...so I did what any good Godly woman would do, I instead wrote in my journal...everyone is going to hurt me at some point.  Keep it to myself... so I started to think about all of the reasons that I was bitter and what she has done to me personally...I thought for a second...five minutes passed...nothing. This girl has never done anything to me personally. Ever.

After this worship night was over, I went up to her and explained that I was holding onto this bitterness for three years for absolutely nothing. Nothing. What a waste of time. I apologized to her and she explained to me how a couple of people have told her that I didn't really like her and she didn't know why I didn't like her but it meant the world to her that I apologized. I had no idea either.

A good friend once told me that problems are like Tetris and if you don't do anything about it, the blocks...your hatred...your bitterness...your stupidity...will build up...and eventually, you will lose. I almost lost this game by holding onto something completely pointless. It was hindering me from having a solid relationship with God and other people.

Let God search you. What kind of pointless things are you holding onto? Forgive them and let God's love replace your bitterness...your hatred...whatever. Let Him set you free.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

God, break me. I am tired of being at a stand still in my relationship with You. I want to be put back together according to Your purpose and molded in Your image. I no longer want to feel inadequate or insecure, I want to find my identity completely in You. I no longer want to be hurt or bitter toward others. I want to be an encouragement to them and Your instrument. I want to love people the way that You do. Help me to become humble and break me so that I can be everything that You created me to be.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Putting two and two together.

I glanced at the clock on the bottom right of my computer and as I expected, it read "2:22"...since last semester, the number 2 has been coming up without fail...I met someone whose birthday is February 22 (which is 2/22)...I ALWAYS look at the clock at 2:22, no matter what...there have been a few phone numbers with the last 4 numbers having some variation of the number 2...addresses...my word count on Microsoft Word...I hope you get my point by now.

So I've been trying to figure out/praying about what this means for quite a while...as I am walking down my dorm hallway today, it hit me. There have been two common themes throughout this semester at the different churches I have gone to or different speakers I have heard: doing life together and the Holy Spirit.

 "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”-Matthew  18:20

Having relationships with the body of Christ is important...how could an arm work without an elbow? Or a hand without any fingers? How can you see in the spirit without eyes? A huge theme of the Christian walk is "Love your neighbor as yourself." It's not very loving to fake having it all together, is it? I have recently been a lot more comfortable opening up to people but I remember countless tears and lonely sleepless nights because I felt like I had to stay strong for everyone else or fear that people might think that I'm not doing well in my relationship with God. I learned the hard way that Christianity is a very relationship focused faith and I can't do it on my own. It's important to have that accountability and encouragement in your life to push you to be the absolute best you can be and to live up to your fullest potential. It's important to do life together.

There is also the famous chapter (at least in Pentecostalism) of Acts 2 (there's that number again) where the Holy Spirit comes down on the day of Pentecost. I think back to a couple of Tuesdays ago when we talked about spiritual gifts at our floor devotion and the Holy Spirit moved...there was so much unity and encouragement on my floor that night. Where two are more are gathered, there He is. God does great things when we pray together, when we play together, when we encourage one another...when we laugh together....when we cry together...when we're together in general.



I thought I should also include that alone time with God is also important.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

I am not a statistic in God's eyes.

I don't really keep it a secret from anyone who asks or makes a comment about how they "feel bad" for people who have divorced parents/never knew their fathers or only have one parent...or they make a comment about my circumstances... that I have never met my biological father. Not that I can recall at least...today during class, we were talking about a case study (as I'm a Social Work major, we do that often.) and a girl asked if the kid in this particular case study had a relationship with his father. I'm not sure why it offended me today as it was a legitimate/innocent question. Obviously not directed toward me. I just started thinking about how I am tired of being a statistic.I hate being felt bad for. I hate that the church thinks that it's their place to feel bad for me rather than accepting me for who I am, family situation...scars...brokenness and all. (There IS a difference between feeling bad and being compassionate.) God loves me for who I am and what I've been through, why can't the church? 

I went to chapel right after this particular class...ironically enough, the speaker today said that God put on his heart the fatherless...or those who don't have good relationships with their fathers. He used a lot of examples from his own experience being a father and compared it to God as our Heavenly Father. It was an extremely powerful message. Ignoring the leading of the Holy Spirit after the "altar call", I left chapel as soon as we were dismissed with every intention of going on with my day like normal. I honestly just didn't really want anyone to see me break down and cry.. I went to lunch and sat with friends....but my spirit felt really heavy. I tried to ignore it. I certainly didn't want to talk to anyone about it. I really didn't want someone else to feel bad for me. I really felt like I needed to write...but as soon as I got back upstairs, I went into the prayer room and fell on my face...I didn't even know what to pray, I just cried...I felt God holding me and comforting but still all I could do was cry. For the first time...or second time...or third time...maybe more than that, I also knew God as my Father. I thought I was healed from a lot of this emotional pain I felt from feeling lost and out of place and insecure as a result of not having a relationship with my biological father...maybe I am but healing is a process. God's not finished with me yet. I thank God for bringing me such a long way already and I look forward to what else He will do in my life regarding this.

Do me a favor if you're a Christian...don't feel bad for people, love them unconditionally and be there for them if they need you. Help them to the extent that you're able. God will reward you..and you will make a different kind of impact in their life rather than that of resentment.



Monday, September 19, 2011

So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss...

Every time I hear someone sing the song "How He Loves" replacing the phrase "sloppy wet kiss", I get a little bit frustrated...a little bit is an understatement. The song is a result of a grieving process...I hate that people don't acknowledge that fact. Changing the words is ruining someone else's artwork...I like to compare it to drawing a mustache with a sharpie on the Mona Lisa because someone liked the way that it looked better or was offended that it was a painting of a woman. God's love isn't always pretty, but He is ALWAYS good. sometimes it seems like a sloppy wet kiss...oh but it's "offensive"...the gospel is offensive...how can someone love us so much that they would die for us? It doesn't make any sense....but He is ALWAYS good. We shouldn't be changing the words to the gospel either. And I'm pretty sure John Mark McMillan himself isn't nearly as annoyed by this as I am....haha

Friday, September 16, 2011

What happened to our Christ-like compassion?

So the other day, my roommate and I got in a very deep discussion with one of the girls on our floor. I love this girl with my entire heart and I am not here to gossip or slander her in any way but some of the things that she said made me thing. I really don't think that she meant to say a lot of the things that she did..but the conversation left me with this one question: What happened to our Christ-like compassion!?

God loves gay people. That's right, I said it. Ouch...He LOVES them just as much as He loves any one of us. Now I'm not condoning, church? Wake up. Stop treating them like they're the scum of the earth. We don't treat straight people who have sex outside of marriage like that. Isn't it basically the same thing? Doesn't the Bible say it's up to God to judge? I wonder how many times that people got turned away from the church because of the way that Christians treated them because they weren't perfect. I would hate to know the real numbers...hate the sin, love the sinner.

"We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are.
 For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.  Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins."- Romans 3:22-24


This passage includes EVERYONE, not just the radical on-fire or religious Christians. Love everyone unconditionally, no matter their marital status...their orientation...whether they're poor or they're rich...whether they're a Christian or a Muslim or an Atheist...God loves us all and we are called to love the way that He does.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Tumblr

Hey, guys! I will still be using blogspot but if you're interested, follow me on tumblr at http://emily-adele.tumblr.com. I will probably just be writing about really random stuff but some of it will be deep and/or entertaining.  I will probably write another blog on here later in the week.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

To my brothers in Christ...

My roommate and I were talking today about how we as Christian women can really stink at encouraging and respecting our brothers in Christ the way that we should. I would like to sincerely apologize for not always being the encouragement to you guys that God has called me to be. I found this "note" on Facebook that I wrote in November 2009 (I edited it a little.) and I still find it to be very true.:


We hear all the time that "real men do ----" and "real men don't----". The world's definitions do not constitute what a real man is. It doesn't matter what you wear or whether or not you straighten your hair, how talented you are, how tough are doesn't really matter in the long run. The size of your heart matters. Your intentions matter.The way you treat other people matters. A real man lives his life to the fullest and is who God created him to be.



Thank you to all of my brothers in Christ who have challenged me, encouraged me to grow, had deep conversations with me that encouraged me to go further, dig deeper into why I believe what I believe, to look at other's views, that I photoshopped into other people's bodies for my own entertainment haha, that make me laugh, that I can spend hours talking about absolutely nothing with, etc. I probably wouldn't be who I am today if God hadn't sent my brothers in Christ to me exactly when I needed them.



Thank you guys!  appreciate you. You're awesome, bro!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Tears are Healing

I am finally back in Minneapolis and I'm not going to lie, it's been a rather difficult summer for me emotionally. I had a lot of people talk to me about really difficult things that they're worried about or going through which I don't mind but it makes me worry about them or what's going to become of some things. I spent three days crying last week because what was an attempt to apologize so I could get rid of bitterness toward a person who I am close to turned into a personal attack. I have felt forgotten, not cared about and ignored by people who I used to be so close to and even ones that I am around all the time. I have been cut down and verbally abused by family members.

Although it seems like I am complaining (which I kind of am), complaining is not my main purpose of this blog. Toward the beginning of the summer, a guy came and guest spoke at a service for a ministry that I am involved in and at the end of the service, he was praying for people that needed healing and deliverance in the center of the room. I didn't feel like I was supposed to get up and have him pray for me so I remained in my seat. He came up to me eventually and prayed that God will heal the scars. Right then, tears started flowing down my face. I didn't realize that I had hidden scars. I had to learn a lot of stuff...confidence (which I am still working on), confrontation, forgiveness...etc. Needless to say, I spent a lot of my summer in tears and it was extremely hard for me. I hate to cry. I hate people to know that I'm not always emotionally strong. I hate to have to tell people that they have really hurt me. I hate to be open with people about how I'm feeling because I feel like they aren't listening to me. I've always tried to cover up my hurt with humor and sarcasm instead. (and it's still there, just in a different form.) And for the last two days, I cannot stop laughing...I feel so much more at peace than I have all summer and so much happier. I am not freaking out every two seconds about what someone else thinks of me. God has began to heal my scars through my tears and for the first time in my life, I finally feel like I'm free.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Fundraising

I am a volunteer at a local crisis pregnancy center at home in MI and every year, we do a fundraiser called "Walk for Life". This year I am going to walk 2 miles in Minneapolis in order to raise money for this organization. Please prayerfully consider sponsoring me and if you feel led to, go to this website. Even if you cannot financially support this organization, please support us in prayer. Thank you for your time!


Qualities of a Good Leader

 After a situation in a ministry that I know of took place where a guy was put in leadership and began criticizing everything, I began to seriously reflect on the qualities of what a good leader is. I remembered doing a little exercise in my Social Psychology class last semester where we were put in groups and told to come up with some qualities of what a good leader is.



These are some that we came up with/some of my own/out of a discussion with a friend:
1. A good leader is teachable. This means he/she realizes that they do not know everything and will take into consideration the ideas or wisdom of those that are not necessarily in leadership and their co-leaders.
2. A good leader gives CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Anybody can criticize. It takes a leader to offer solutions.
3. A good leader is a good listener. God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason.
4. A good leader allows room for God to move. We cannot lead the hand of God but we need to allow  God to lead us.
5. A good leader is encouraging. Leaders see strengths in others and point them out. Also if they see something that needs improvement, they're not afraid to talk to the individual and offer solutions to help them.
6. A good leader is humble. Nobody likes arrogance.
7. A good leader is a good problem solver. or they are not afraid to consider other peoples' solutions.






Any other qualities that I missed?

Friday, August 12, 2011

Attention to my followers who enjoy ridiculous stuff...

About 3 weeks ago, my friend Jake and I decided that we were going to start a blog full of ridiculous stories making fun of things such as The National Enquirer...so if you're interested in reading our ridiculous blog, please feel free to follow it at http://allthingsofthegreatwhitefiction.blogspot.com/...you won't regret it. Maybe you will.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Blog Awards

I noticed a few days ago that I had a blog award but didn't get a chance to actually look at it until today. Thank you, S. Morgan Ministries for blessing me. I thought it would be fun to do this too because I love promoting peoples' stuff.

The award is given to up-and-coming bloggers with fewer than 200 followers, and the rules are as below:
1. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.
2. Reveal your top 3-5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
3. Copy and paste the award on your blog.
4. Have faith that your followers will spread the love to other bloggers.
5. And most of all - have fun!

HERE ARE MY TOP PICKS:

1. S. Morgan Ministries
2.  Topaz and Bronze
3.  My head is where I come up with these things
4. [Insert cool hip contemporary relevant postmodern emerging emergent title here]
5. (This one isn't on blogspot but I still really enjoy reading it.) Put Down Your Rock

Things that you learn as an out-of-state college student: who your real friends are.

First off, I might want to add that this is not to bash anyone but to share my experience and what God has taught me through this.

I live in a small-ish town of 30,000 people in the thumb of Michigan called Port Huron and go to school in downtown Minneapolis which is about 12-13 hours from where I live. I have spent a good majority of my life in Port Huron minus venturing off to Texas for about 6 months and going to school. I normally go to a church here (that I have been going to since I was a freshman in high school practically) but God called me to a college ministry instead this summer. (The college ministry and the church meet on the same night.) I have done my best to keep in contact with people from both the church and the college ministry while I was at school...yes, a lot of people didn't actually respond to my attempts to keep in contact but a lot did...for some reason, as soon as I got back to Michigan, a lot of people from the church basically decided that they were going to ignore my existence (at least it felt like they were). I understand that people are busy but it doesn't hurt to do silly things like respond to text messages. Very quickly, I began to feel really alone and that nobody really cared. (thank you to the ones who did talk to me) It really stinks to be ignored. I happened to tell the girls in my college ministry about how I felt and the other girl who goes to school in another state just happened to be feeling the same way. Lesson 1: God will never let you go through anything alone. There is always someone that is going through or has gone through what you are that God will use to help you through it.


I did happen to go to that church last Sunday with my very good friend who attends school in North Carolina. I was sort of....joking around about how everyone was so excited to see her but not me. One of the girls told me, "Well, you're in the Port Huron area...you should be here."...fair enough, I guess. I'm not sure how this came up but I mentioned something about her never talking to me and she told me, "That's because you're never here." Even though I know her and know that was an innocent comment, that really hurt me. Just because someone isn't where you can see them, it doesn't mean that they don't exist. Sometimes people are called somewhere else for a season. I was talking to my friend about how that comment really hurt me and she made a good point, "Even if you're not there, contact should not be one-sided. We're supposed to be a family."... Lesson 2: We should all be very accepting of where God calls others and support them and encourage them, not ignore them because they're not where you are at that particular moment. I have had a hard time with doing this in the past but when it's you, there is a whole new perspective  and a respect that is acquired for people in your position. It isn't easy but being where God wants you to be is worth it.


Finally, thank you to my real friends. You know who you are. Thank you to my true friends in the past but we went our separate ways. Thank you to the people who have touched my life in some way. Thank you for letting God use you in my life.

Any other college students or people who got called elsewhere have stories about this?



Friday, July 8, 2011

Revelations from Dora the Explorer/my 2 year old niece.

I have been watching my 2 year old niece a lot in the last couple of weeks and little kids are the ones who teach me the most about God. I know I posted on Twitter a couple of days ago that "If you want to know what a childlike faith is like, watch Dora the Explorer with a 2 year old."...  The other day, it came on and she started screaming "YAY DORA!!" and clapping...needless to say, she was excited about Dora being on. Why don't we get that excited about God?  The faith of a child..they could care less what other people think of them getting excited. When they get excited, they get EXCITED.

At one point in the show, Dora and Boots call out "the Map" and they sing an annoying little song about it...but the map shows the three points where Dora goes to get to her destination...and yes, where they need to go is very obvious...but Dora always asks the viewers how she should get there...sometimes where God wants us to go is very obvious but we don't know until we ask Him.

In every episode, there is a sly little fox named Swiper that always "swipes" something that Dora and Boots need (really, he just throws it somewhere else)...and they ask the viewers where to find it...but it always gets them off their path a little bit. When we stray off of our path, we should ask God to help us get back...even if it means finding something we lost or was stolen. (metaphorically speaking, sometimes physically....trusting in Him to provide our every need.)

Also, my niece always asks me (well tells me) to blow on her food when it's hot...even if it's every bite. She knows how to do this herself but would rather have me do it...or when she gets a cut or a scrap, she asks someone to kiss it...then she will start crying and kiss it herself...and then stop crying again...and have someone else kiss it again...and stops crying again....why aren't we this dependent on God to "blow on our food" (complete dependency) and heal our cuts and scrapes?

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Listening

For my entire life, I've always been discouraged from sharing my feelings with other people. I've always been the person that other people came and talked to about how they were feeling and what's going on in their life.  I've been hurt a lot. I've always had that "Don't share how you feel" mentality with the people who come and talk to me. I always feel like I have to stay strong for them. Someone has to. (I have to keep reminding myself that's God's job… :))

I am a very emotional person but most people wouldn't know. Sometimes I bottle it up inside for so long it goes from one extreme to the other. I will start crying or get really upset over little things. I cover up what I really feel about things that are said to me with sarcasm or I'll crack a joke and make fun of myself for it. Particularly when people say, "Hey, you're really bad at that..." , I will make a sarcastic comment about myself  or them but that doesn't make it hurt any less. Recently, God has been helping me open up to people about what I'm feeling...not the annoying, whiny "OH MY LIFE IS SOO HARD WAHHHHAHAHAHAH!!" kind of sharing my feelings...just like, "Hey, when you said this or did this...that hurt...or that was really mean…" or just confronting and challenge people I'm close to about things that I've noticed about them.  This is a really, really difficult thing for me beyond what anyone else will ever know. There is no shame in having emotions and being open about them. God created us in HIS image. That means He has emotions too.

But honestly, the way people receive confrontation is the difficult part. People don't like to be confronted (No, neither do I.)...but we have to put ourselves in that other person's shoes and realize that they too have feelings. It's not just about us, it's not just about them. We're all in this together.  (No nasty High School Musical reference intended).

Please don't shut people out when they try to talk to you about stuff. They could be falling off the edge and you may be the only person that will take the time to listen. It can make a huge difference. Repaint Jesus for that person. I've been in that persons' shoes. It's the worst to be shut out...especially by your fellow Christians. Let's all make a change and listen.

Challenge: Sit down with someone over coffee  and learn their story. Don't make it about you...ask them questions about what you've learned about them. Listen intently. It's a really good exercise to learn how to listen and get to know people.

Trapped

I'm trapped alone in this cold, isolated place with nowhere to go. The door is wide open but I fear what lies beyond the doorframe. It's pitch black out there and I have nobody's hand to hold so they can guide me into the unknown. I have no one to hold me until I'm not scared anymore. I fear I will become more lost than I already am. I call for someone to come and rescue me from this lonely place. The wind calls back so I call again...still no answer...here I am...alone, forgotten, ignored. I am trapped.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Hey, do you think that we could just be friends?

Disclaimer: This is not directed at a single person...


I noticed you noticing me...no, this isn't another one of those cliché love stories where we run toward each other when we are the only ones in the whole world,  lace our fingers together then  I wrap my arms around your neck and yours around my waist and we dance and dance until we can leave and  live happily ever after.  It's the opposite. The exact opposite.  I felt you staring at me and I quickly glanced over to see if it was someone or just a figment of my imagination.

When I noticed it was you, I jerked my head away from your direction so you don't think that I even remotely feel the same….but I saw you smile at me...more of your jungle of nasty facial hair that covers most of your face slightly moving where the corners of your mouth are supposed to be. I know that stare, like a little puppy dog begging at the dinner table drooling all over the floor. I HATE THAT STARE. I don't want you the way that you want me so please, please just leave me be. 

Friday, June 24, 2011

Taking a Step of Faith

I scan the crowd searching for something more than what is right in front of me...I make eye contact with countless people, smile and continue searching. Suddenly our eyes meet...I am drawn in by the compassion that fills Your eyes...I take a step toward You and You take a step toward me without taking our eyes off of each other. You hold out Your hand for me to take...I step back, afraid....You continue looking at me with Your compassionate eyes with your hand extended....after my lengthy hesitation, I take Your hand. I trust You. Wherever You lead, I will go.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Somewhere in my imagination...

You intrigue me; I long to know the mysteries that are hidden within the light of your eyes. They do not reflect crystal clear water or the green sea, they reflect the mud in a remote pond somewhere that most people do not know about. This is not gross to me, it's fascinating. The beauty that lies within you is much more prominent than your outward beauty, although both your inner and outward beauty amaze me. Instead of seeing what lies beneath, there are layers and layers of you where most people would give up digging to find who you really are but I will not give up. I want to know who you really are. When I find out, we can interlock fingers along the unlevel concrete among broken people who are searching for themselves. Most people do not find this beautiful but to us, we are walking across streets of gold and sidewalk made of precious jewels among princes and princesses whose smiles give off the same light as diamonds do.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

You can do it!!

Now I'm not saying that there's anything necessarily wrong with this but sometimes I feel like Christianity has turned into a never ending, cliche-laced motivational speech...

Satan has deceived you into thinking that you're not good enough but I will tell you what my friend, you were created in His image! You were made to do great things, there's such a powerful calling on your life, you just have to receive it! Just give God control of your life, let Him take the lead! You may have made mistakes in the past but Jesus died on the cross for you so you can repent and not feel guilty about it! When you repent, He washes you white as snow and forgets your wrongdoing. He keeps no record of your sin! You no longer have to live in sin, you have been crucified with Christ. Your "old man" is gone and you're alive! I'm here for you if you need help! You can do it with the help of God! Praise Jesus! Hallelujah!!


Even though this is kind of a silly way of explaining it, I believe every single sentence above is complete truth. 

A lot of people who say things like this to people (I have been guilty.) make this an automatic response and don't completely believe what they're saying is true. Now there is a such thing as speaking by faith but there is also a such thing as lying. Encouraging someone in a manner that is not heartfelt and honest can be more damaging than telling the that they will never amount to anything.
PS: I never said that encouragement wasn't important, it's very very important to encourage one another but if it isn't heartfelt and honest, then it shouldn't be said. It's not much different than lying. 


Christianity should not be a motivational speech, Christianity (Well, knowing God) should be a life-transforming experience. Walk the walk instead of just talking the talk. Mean what you say. Say what you mean. Believe what you say. Say what you believe.

Monday, May 23, 2011

It's okay to be broken. It's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay.

I think that we as Christians (or maybe it's just me) have this misconstrued idea that we have to be strong all the time. I remember when I moved away from Michigan the first time and I had a few really close friends who were amazing on fire Christians and when I moved back about 6 months later, none of them were following God anymore. I was talking to a friend about it and he told me that they used me as a pillar to lean on and when I left, they had nothing left to lean on. Of course they should have been leaning on God and not me, but this put a huge burden on me that I needed to stay strong for people.

This was 3 years ago and up until a few months ago, I was even afraid to share my feelings or what I was struggling with  because I had this idea in my head that I had to be strong ALL the time or people would be disappointed in me I wouldn't be the person that they thought I was (Oh and I'm kind of shy which doesn't help.) Thankfully, I had people stronger than me who I trusted and that encouraged me (by force) to get out of my bubble and talk about what I was going through. This was just a first step thing...from bottling everything up inside for so long (and other factors from way back when), I developed an over sensitivity when people tried to talk to me about something I was doing wrong especially if they approached it the wrong way. I honestly never receive it well at first and it takes a while for me to think about it and realize that person was right on. I just never want to admit it but I will think about what they said and work on it.

About 3 weeks ago, I felt like I needed to tell a friend who was in a leadership position over me that it was okay for her to be broken and  it's okay for her to vulnerable, she doesn't have to be strong all the time. Yesterday, another friend who is also in a leadership position over me was talking about how about 3 weeks ago, God revealed to her that it was okay to be broken and vulnerable. I didn't really realize until today that it was also a word for me. Why else would two friends who are completely unaware of each other's existence get the same word from God and I heard it for one of them and from one of them?

Vulnerable means  "open to moral attack. criticism, temptation, etc." 


Being open makes you vulnerable but sometimes when someone that looks up to you and realizes that you're not strong all the time will encourage them to know that they aren't alone in this and things will get better as long as you take that first step. Admit that you're having a hard time. Admit that you're struggling. God will use someone else to help you through this. You don't have to be strong all the time.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

"There is Hope"- Bradley Hathaway

This poem has been really encouraging for me and I hope it is the same for you. =)

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Meeting God where you're at.

Confession time: I was having a really difficult time worshiping this morning at church because the lady leading was really noticeably off key (I also usually get distracted by spelling/grammatical errors on slides) and the girls singing back up were singing something completely different, not much different than cacophony. I know that's bad to think...their hearts were in the worship, I just didn't like the way that they sounded and it was really hard for me to focus on God...so I did what any normal person who can't focus would do and started looking around at people (which I could get away with since I wasn't at my own church ;)) Most people had their hands at their sides and were blankly staring forward but I noticed one woman in the front row who was really, genuinely worshiping God...no matter how bad the music sounded or what everyone else was doing, this woman was focused on God and God only. This is what meeting God where you're at looks like...no matter the surrounding circumstances or environment, you are focused on God and God only. 

Not only do we meet God where we're at, He meets us where we're at...when you feel like you're so far away from God that you can never go back, when you feel like He is just out of reach...when you've messed up...when you are straddling the fence of Godliness and worldliness and you want to go toward Godliness, when you are so close to Him, you don't feel like you can get any closer...He will meet you where you're at...grab your hand and take you where you need to be....grab your hand and take you further than you could ever imagine you would go. Just keep seeking Him. You WILL find Him.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Alive


Dying to myself was not an easy thing,

Yet it was beautiful in its own way,

To allow these chains that hold me up in bondage

 to be shattered, 

to die in order to live,

to let go so I can hold on.


Bittersweet tears stream down my face

as a stagnant fragrance arises from the tense air

 as I look upon my pale, lifeless body that died letting go

 of treasures that I spent my life searching for

 that have lost their value over time

 in order to grasp Him, the one that set me free.






If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. ~Matthew 16:25

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Love is not easily offended.

The other day, a good friend asked me what "Love is not easily offended" meant...it was one of those things that I thought I knew but couldn't necessarily explain it to her. But it hit me that no matter what the definition of it is, I am not being a very good example of the phrase "Love is not easily offended."

A day or two before that, I was talking about how it was really hard for me to be where I am right now because it seems like the people I'm around way oversensitive and I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells around them. Partly because I don't know how to control my sarcasm sometimes and people get really upset at the tiniest things. Yes, sometimes their offense is legitimate but other times, it seems like the silliest thing to get upset about in my eyes. (No, I don't mean to hurt people and it isn't okay to hurt people with your words.)

But in reality, I get just as upset at people who tell me they are offended because they have the same annoying habits as I do just in different contexts. Even the people you love annoy you sometimes, I am just not as open about it. I will hold it inside because I don't want to offend that person even more. Most of the time when things drive us crazy about other people, it's looking right at the things that drive us crazy about ourselves.
 "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he..."-Proverbs 23:7


Let's all try to live up to the standard that "Love is not easily offended." I'll start.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Taking the First Step

As I sit on our makeshift couch in my dormitory sipping coffee out of my green mug, my roommate serenading the room with her melodic voice, I reflect on this past semester. I argued with God so much, I didn't want to come to North Central second semester. I was already bitter about how long the reapplication process took. I had all of these doubts in my mind, I imagined things going wrong in every possible way. I didn't want to leave my family or friends. I was planning at staying at SC4 for another semester...deep down inside, I knew I wasn't going to be there any longer than fall semester this year but I pushed it to the back of my mind. I avoided getting my stuff in as long as possible. I didn't tell anyone I was leaving until like 3 weeks before, some three days before because I fear goodbyes...real goodbyes...

Although it was really difficult for me to take that first step, I don't regret doing it. I have been stretched in ways beyond my imagination. God has blessed me with every single person who I have come across this semester. I have been challenged: school, spiritually and relationally. I have been taken out of my comfort zone again and again. I have heard many life-transforming sermons. I have gotten the opportunity to speak into peoples' lives as they have spoken into mine. I have learned more than I ever thought was possible. I have gotten opportunity to speak highly of my spiritual leadership and my friends back home. I  have realized how blessed I am to have such a great group of people at home that will show their support, no matter where God takes me. (even if they tell me it's not God's will for me to go four states away...=P)

I want to encourage you, yes you. The one who is reading this blog whether I forced you to or you're reading it on your own. If God tells you to do something, do it. It's worth taking that first step. Sometimes what you have seems more appealing then what you're supposed to do. Don't weigh the pros and cons of what God wants you to do, just do it. He knows exactly what He's doing. I'm not going to tell you that it will be easy, but it will be worth it. Every minute of it.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Set me free!

I am only writing about this in a public venue because I know that others can relate to this and it's okay to get it out, it's okay to be honest about what you're feeling. It's probably more detrimental to hold things in than it is to let them out.

I love people more than almost anything else in this world besides God obviously. At the same time, I really can't stand people. Apparently, that's what loving other people means. Caring about someone more than anything else even if sometimes, you can't stand them. Unconditional love might be another name for it.

I am also afraid of people. I live my life in fear of man, not necessarily fear of man in a spiritual sense but fear of being hurt. Fear of what people think about me. Fear of not fitting in. Fear of being the person people gossiped about. Fear of not being loved.  Fear of being rejected. Fear of what happened in the past manifesting itself in the present. I have realized that I really haven't fully given any of this to God and it is leaving unhealed aspects of myself, keeping me in bondage and preventing me from fully becoming the woman God wants me to be.

I realized that this isn't beneficial to me at all. I am ready to let go of my fear. I am ready to give everything to God and let Him heal me from the inside. I am willing to let Him use me outside of my comfort zone. I am ready to not be afraid of relationships with other people. I am ready to speak life into others instead of cutting them down to make myself feel better. I am ready to be fully confident in myself.  I am ready to be out of bondage and set free.I am ready to fully be the woman that God has called me to be.

"Spirit of the living God fall fresh on me
Melt me, mold me, fill me, use me
"

Sunday, April 10, 2011

"There is one pain I often feel, which you will never know. It is caused by the absence of you.” -William Shakespeare

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. At times, I find this to be the complete truth. There are days that I long for nothing more than to be close to the people that I am far away from, to be able to smile and laugh and have ridiculous conversations with. To be able to talk to face to face. To be able to look into your eyes. To remember what your voice sounds like. To remember why I care so much.

 Other times, I hate this quotation because being far away makes me realize who people really are and it makes me want to never speak to them again, no matter how nice they seemed like they were face to face. Sometimes I wonder if my life was wasted investing my time into these people. I wonder if  they knew how much I cared or how much I still care, whether or not it's reciprocated. I wonder if they knew how much their stupid comments actually hurt whether or not they're joking. I wonder if they have any idea, despite all of this that I miss them. More than anything in the world.

I wonder if missing somebody can make you angry at them because they're not here and everything that they do or everything that they say is magnified in my head, if I make it out to be more than it actually is. Maybe these people are actually one person that I care deeply about and they have no idea.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

You kids gotta stop listening to that devil music, ya hear!?

My current favorite song is "Your Hands" by JJ Heller. I decided to read the comments on the Youtube video that I just linked to after listening to it 20 times yesterday. I noticed that said "This comment has received too many negative votes." This provoked curiosity in me; However, I half expected it to be someone telling Christians that they're brainwashed or someone else saying that Allah is the one true god. (Trends that I've noticed in songs that I listen to on Youtube.) so I clicked 'show'. What I read shocked me:

"This music is of the devil. Jesus will not accept contemporary "christian" music as worship to Him!"

Um, what!? I did know some people who believed similar things but I don't know if they believed to that extreme. I went to this guy's page and he commented similar things on songs such as "Above All" and "Come,  Now is the Time to Worship" These are heartfelt worship songs, they're not even bad.

This reminded me of the time that I read that the number one thing that turns people off to God is Christians. Shocking? I thought it was when I first read it but I honestly don't anymore. I have watched Christians talk about loving others but condemn everyone who doesn't agree with them. I have watched Christians tell people that what they're doing is wrong and go out and do the same thing two days later. I have read a Christian posting something on Facebook calling a girl the devil's daughter.

I love these people, don't  get me wrong but I don't want to be put in the same category as them. I want to be known as the girl who loved people unconditionally, the way that God does. Remember that if you call yourself a Christian, you are representing God everywhere you go. Please for all of our sake, don't be one of those Christians that turn people off to God by doing the opposite of what they say or being arrogant. People don't appreciate hypocrisy or arrogance. People don't appreciate Christians telling them that everything they do is of the devil. I don't even appreciate that.

Here are two principles that I try to live by:

"So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."-1 Corinthians 10:31

 My dearest friend once said "Speak the truth in love. Truth without love is not truth. Likewise, truth without love is not love."

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I went on a beach mission but all I ended up doing was mission you.

Three adjectives to sum up my inner self would consist of compassionate, sensitive and apprehensive. Apprehensive in the sense that I am perceptive and discerning, not paranoid. I promise there is a reason for all of this talking about myself, something that God taught me. Promise.

I have recently realized that not everybody appreciates these qualities. I know that I can be over sensitive sometimes but I'm a girl. It happens.

Last Friday, I had a conversation with two guys that I had just met after I felt like we really shouldn't go down a certain street when we were witnessing to people. He told me that he looked down that street and girls were really immodest so he's glad we didn't. This led to a conversation about how guys are visual. I always knew this but now I have been making it a point to understand what this means a little bit better. I know I will never understand this fully because I am not a guy and never will be. (Note: If you're trying to understand the opposite sex completely, you're wasting your time. You'll probably never even understand your own.)


So then a girl who I used to be close to and is a Christian posted a status that was extremely inappropriate going along with this subject. One of our friends who is a guy commented on it, "That's great and all but is that really appropriate to announce?" That comment was deleted so I commented "I love you to death but this is really inappropriate. Some of our brothers genuinely struggle with lust and we're not supposed to be a stumbling block to them." Of course, she deleted that comment too. Whatever. Then I got a text from her that says, "Please never contact me again since you have nothing positive to say to me."...that's the only negative thing I've ever said to her but I was honestly shocked. Not upset about it but shocked that someone could be so immature especially someone 5 years older than me.

I really wanted to talk to someone about it but had nobody to talk to. I was sitting with the girls on my floor at lunch but everyone else was having another conversation and probably would just start laughing if I brought it up anyways like they normally do when I try to say anything so I just left and went back to my room, laid down on my bed and cried for a while then just went to sleep. I texted my friend from Michigan and told her about it but she didn't text me back until the next day so I just kind of felt alone. I really wanted to go home and be with my friends so I had someone to talk to and feel welcome/accepted again. I got to the point where I never wanted to come back here again. I'd find somewhere else to go. (I still do really miss my friends/family from MI. One more month =D)


God then brought me back to some of the other times I felt alone, most of these were within the groups of people that I hang out with the most. At this point, I realized that this was an attack and even if I felt alone among people, with God I am never alone. Satan wants us to feel alone because one of the essentials in the body of Christ is unity and if we're not unified, it's hard for us to do anything to further the kingdom of God. Remember that God is with you next time you feel alone. Remember that people do love you and do care about you. God especially.

Monday, March 28, 2011

I AM NOT HOMESCHOOLED!!

Okay, so what if I'm a little bit awkward? Well, really awkward. It's hard for me to open up to people. I'm really shy. That was not a result of my homeschooling. In fact I went to public school but according to most of the world, I fit the stereotype of a homeschooler. I prefer to read essays by Ralph Waldo Emerson rather than the latest Twilight book. I research conspiracy theories for absolutely no reason but my own entertainment. I think Shakespeare was a genius. I have strong political views. I am in love with Emily Dickinson's poetry and will analyze it all day if I can. I think intelligence is one of the most attractive qualities. I would live in a bookstore if I could. I love corny jokes, telling them and laughing at them. I think a lot of things nobody thinks are funny are hilarious. I am sometimes quiet and extremely laid back. I try to treat everybody with respect. I always hold the door open for people. I am a firm believer in modesty. I don't know what the most popular movies, music or whatever are. Quite frankly, I don't care.

But guess what? Stereotypes are stupid. It's great to feel like you belong to something but it's even greater to be accepted for who you are and not have someone label you as who they expect you to be. So here I am, writing this as Emily...not a "homeschooler", a "public schooler", an "unofficial homeschooler", a "nerd", an "outcast" a "prep"...none of those things are me. I am Emily, exactly who God created me to be.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Smooth Talker

Sometimes when I was a young teenager, I  would read the dictionary for my own amusement. There is nothing particularly interesting about the dictionary as a whole but I am fascinated with words, how to use them and what they mean. It satisfies me to string words together on a piece of paper and create something beautiful. I love the process of trial and error looking for different words and arranging them until they sound just right. There is just something about writing that makes me feel like I have complete freedom to express whatever is on my mind, not having to hold back. 
However, talking is a different story. I sometimes stumble over my words and say things that don't make any sense. Sometimes I don't think before I speak. It is much easier realized that words can cut people down after speaking them rather than just writing them down and crossing them off. It is easier to uplift somebody in an anonymous note than it is to muster up the courage to approach that person. It is easier to give words from God to people in writing than it is in speech but then you don't get to see peoples' reactions to what God has to say to them.
...If only I could apply the same process to talking as I do to writing, I would be a smooth talker.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Repainting Jesus


Over the last couple of days, I have been really been reflecting on the message in this video that Eric Samuel Timm portrays. Who knew that these two words would have such an effect on me? Repainting Jesus. No, not changing who Jesus is but repainting the image that people have of Him due to people within the church. Telling them God hates them, that they're an abomination...that they're going to hell.  How can I, as a Christian who has a heart for broken people, be different? How can I apply this concept in my walk with God and reaching out to people of repainting Jesus to show who He really is? One main concept that I want to apply in reaching out to people is that love is not conditional.

What about you? What concepts will you use to "repaint Jesus" to others in your own life?

Monday, March 14, 2011

Conviction

What is sin to one person may not be to another. I have realized this over and over again as I have saturated myself in a Christian environment that I normally don't get when I'm at home with my family, I tend to gravitate toward the people in my college ministry group and spend a ridiculous amount of time with them. What I choose to abstain from, what they choose to abstain from...what isn't clearly stated in scripture (ie adultery, stealing, lying) is based on conviction. Sure, sometimes we mess up but that's where forgiveness comes in...but where do we draw the line in what is sin and what isn't? The answer is the Holy Spirit but other than that, I honestly don't know for sure but I have a general idea. I do realize everyone's different. For me personally, I think that if you're not sure about something, don't do it. Sometimes I like to question things though. Many others do too and if you're one of those people and still don't know, consider these questions:
1. Why are you doing it?
2. How does it benefit you?
3. How is it affecting you spiritually?
4. Can it be considered a stumbling block for people around you?
5. Is it something you did pre-salvation? If it is, how did it affect you then?
6. Would I still do this if God was sitting across from me and I could physically see Him?

What do you guys think? Do you have anything to add? Any thoughts?

Friday, March 11, 2011

Stuff [Most] Christian Girls Think About (Collaboration with Jamie)

JAMIE'S BLOG THAT WE WROTE

[Disclaimer: Most of this is just a joke. Don't get mad, get glad!]
1. I'm dating Jesus until someone who looks more like -insert celebrity name- comes along.
2. If he's on the worship team, he has to be well dressed.
3. He asked me out so we're definitely getting married tomorrow.
4. It doesn't matter if you're good looking, playing the acoustic guitar puts you at an advantage.
5. He raised both hands up in worship, I LOVE HIM.
6. I have to get married by age 19 or I'm gonna become a cat lady.
7. Modest is hottest
8. I can listen to Ke$ha because she has Jesus on her necklace.
9. Hardcore Christian boys have gauges in their ears, wear skinny jeans and flannel.
10. I'm going to Bible college for [insert major here] with an emphasis on my MRS degree.
11. -shifty eyes-
12. You must have to have your wedding planned by age 11 or you're doomed to celibacy.
13. Kids must have biblical names in order to prosper.
14. God told me to marry you but He only told one of us, I don't understand.
15. It's an unwritten commandment, "A woman shalt not pursue a man. Men, man up."
16. Bromance makes us jealous.
17. You beer drinking, chain-smoking hipsters!!
18. -shifty eyes-
19. Background checks are a must: Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Google
20. "We're not stalkers, we're thorough."
21. St. Arbucks is actually a saint. Coffee almost as good as holy water...almost...
22. No matter what they try to indoctrinate us with, Christian side hugs are still stupid. (Jamie loves them)
23. Despite what guys think, facial hair does not make you a man!
24. The Jonas Brothers are Christians [swoon]
25. Checking out guys is okay as long as you give Jesus the credit.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

"Um..my family isn't Christian. I'm the only one." "What about your parents?" Parent. One. Singular. "Where's your dad?" Somewhere in Florida, I don't know.... "Oh, she had a child at a young age...that kid is going to have a kid at a young age...and the cycle is just going to continue." "People who don't have money are lazy." "Everyone was telling me that I should get an abortion and I should have listened to them. You're lucky I went through with my pregnancy." "You don't have a boyfriend...you must like girls." "You're beautiful...on the inside."
****I truly hope this doesn't sound like complaining because that is definitely not what I intend to do. My intentions are to show people that they need to be careful what they say because it can stick with someone for a long time. If you would like any of these sentences explained, I will be more than willing to explain if you ask. I just don't want this blog to be longer than anyone's attention span.****

These are all things that I have responded to over and over to people or things that people have said to me/about others that have really hurt me. Most of this was not recent but have stuck with me. I don't know if people realize that the words they say, even out of anger, have power over people. I don't know if people realize that they shouldn't assume things just because people don't meet their typical expectations. Not everybody is a conventional, run of the mill, got saved when they were 4, Godly parents, grew up in church all of their life Christian. We have to realize that everyone comes from a different environment, a different background, has different aspiration and goals than everyone else. Some people have had things handed over to them. Others have learned from hardship. Others have learned from other peoples' mistakes.

I chose to follow God on my own, without any parental influence. I know my mom loves me but she could probably care less whether or not I go to church. At first, I believed in God, I went to church...but I was taught that there is nothing more to God than the initial salvation encounter. Maybe they taught something else but that's what I thought. You get saved and that's it, you can do whatever you want. I had friends that told me there was something more worth living for. But there was nothing more, why should I believe them? God was just somebody we sang hymns to and read about in the King James Bible...we followed a set of rules...some people, the rules were more enforced on than others. I started to believe my friends that told me there was something more and went to their church with them. I thought it was a cult at first. (I still go to that church when I'm home, 7 years later.) I kept going back. I didn't know why, but I kept going back. I eventually got into it...then something happened one day, so I tried to run away. I don't remember what it was but I remember that it happened. I decided that I would just go to church and go through the motions but not put my heart into it. That was my way of running away without anyone questioning me. My friend handed me a letter a couple of days later, the first line: "I AM MORE THAN JUST CHURCH." I knew what I was getting into was real after that. I never tried to run away again.

But truly, people have hurt me even in the church. I go to a private Christian college. We're all at different places in our walk with God but sometimes people just assume little things like I have two parents. Sometimes it hurts. I wish people wouldn't just assume before getting to know people. I wish they wouldn't just say things without thinking that maybe, just maybe it might hurt the other person.

Monday, March 7, 2011

My Converse hardly warm my ice cold feet
as I walk down the road to a peculiar place.
I long for the familiarity of things that
once were but will never be the same.

I breathe in the beauty of my surroundings
and I learn the things that are valuable
don't always lie in the destination but
are hidden within the journey.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Some things that I have learned in my short 20 years of life...

1. Besides God, Love and unity should be the foundation of our faith.

2. Nobody's perfect...not even Drake Bell.

3. The only place cockiness will get you is punched in the face or people wishing that they could punch you in the face.

4. You have two choices when you make a mistake: you can dwell on your mistake and let it drive you crazy or you can learn from it.

5. You can't change the past, but you can change the present and you can change the future.
6. Anything worth doing takes effort.

7. It's okay to look ridiculous sometimes...you miss out on a lot of fun if you are always concerned with what others think of you. And when everyone else is doing something and you stand off to the side because they look ridiculous, you're the one that looks ridiculous.

8. There is always somebody who is less fortunate than you. Don't focus on what you don't have, focus on what you have been blessed with. Likewise, it is okay to have nice things. Don't feel guilty about it. However, don't buy it if you can't afford it.

9. Appreciate your family..friends will come and go but your family will always be there. Love them with unconditional love because you never know when they will be gone.

10. Michael Jackson was a musical genius, despite his reputation.

11. It's cool to see the gifts that God gave others. It's not cool to let the gifts that God gave you remain stagnant.

12. It is perfectly okay to listen to screamo music really loudly but turn it down when other people who don't like it are in the room.

13. Comparing yourself to others is probably one of the worst things that you can do. You're best at being yourself.

14. It is valuable to study your Bible rather than just read it...learn about the cultural context...learn about who wrote what...learn about the different characters in the Bible...realize that God's word is infallible.

15. It's okay to have lazy days sometimes but not all the time.

16. Pilates is a sport. You don't believe me? Try doing it and tell me how you feel in two days.

17. Being super critical of everyone else is not going to make you friends, at least not true friends.

18. There is so much revelation and wisdom found in children's books. Examples: "You Are Special"- Max Lucado and "Oh the Places You'll Go!" by Dr. Seuss

19. It's really funny to mess with people that like to be in control of everything or like everything to be perfect.

20. It's difficult to write without inspiration. Difficult, but not impossible

Sunday, February 27, 2011

I'm going to leave this particular blog open for a discussion because I like to know what other people think about things. I must also warn you that there will be some super mature subject matters mentioned and if you feel uncomfortable discussing it, you may stop reading at any time.

The other day, I got super bothered by a Facebook friend that a mutual friend suggested that I add. She described him as a "holy-spirit filled, on fire Christian"...I don't always trust her judgment but I figured it wouldn't hurt to be Facebook friends with somebody. I'm sure she had ulterior motives but whatever. I had been semi-bothered by things that he posted on Facebook before but I just ignored it...but then the other day, I read this note by him and immediately deleted him. He was talking about legalism and how he used to be legalistic. Nothing wrong with that...very common subject matter for Christians to write about anymore...then he started to write about sexuality and how he used to try and avoid pornography and masturbation and whatever...WHOA. This is not okay. There is a fine line between not being legalistic and being completely irreverent. One, scripture says lusting in your heart is adultery. Two, people are not to be looked at as objects. I would say women but I feel like in modern times, many women are addicted to pornography. Do you guys find this anti-legalism movement as harmful to Christians as I do? (I mean this particular one, not anti-legalism in general)

I feel like if someone enters into the faith via this movement, they will not know God for who He is but worship their newfound 'freedom' (which isn't really free because they're still stuck in bondage)

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Woman at the Well

I find the story of the woman at the well an inspiring story. Many of us feel like the woman at the well sometimes, ashamed and broken but God always looks at us with love and tells us the truth in love...how Jesus approached her without judgment and asked her to get a drink for Him. Just a lowly Gentile. In that time, Jews would NOT speak to the Gentiles and would go out of their way to avoid them at all costs. I was praying for a few people in chapel today and gave a girl I didn't know a word of knowledge, prayed for another girl's healing and prayed for peace in someone else...getting to the point where I asked God He trusted me with so much...I felt like the woman at the well, a lowly Gentile...except for I'm just a college sophomore, studying Social Work...why not a ministry major or something? The answer was simple, "You are willing to go wherever I lead you to" God will trust you with awesome things if you step forward and say, "I am willing, wherever You lead, I'll go."

Also, I wrote a poem about the woman at the well...well, more inspired by which I might make into spoken word one day and it probably has nothing to do with this blog...maybe it does.

This filthy dishrag water reminds me of myself,
once pure and clear and innocent but then I
mixed myself with dirt and made myself into mud,
became something that I never wanted to become.
All I really wanted, all I really needed was to be loved
so I searched and I searched, in every nook and every cranny .

I thought that I found it but it only turned out to be the
cheap alternative to what love really is. Love, where
are you? Am I looking for you in all the wrong places? Am
I looking at all the wrong faces? Maybe if I just sit here and
wait, real and true authentic love will come to me in the form
of something I will never expect.

In light of day, I continue to be alone. I hide behind who I
appear to be but I am willing to be whoever he wants me to be,
all I need is to be loved...

Thursday, February 17, 2011

As of yesterday, it's been 5 years...FIVE years. I thought I was almost over it and he was just a distant memory but around this time every year, I still remember. I don't know if there will ever be a time that I don't remember. I can't even listen to the song "Jesus loves me" anymore without wanting to cry.

I can still remember everything that happened when I found out that he was gone...my sister came and picked my neighbor and I up from a choir concert. She pulls off to the side and starts crying, "Dylan's gone." WHAT!? It can't possibly be my cousin who was a year younger than I was..."Cousin...Dylan?" "Yeah, he's gone. Jordan found him dead in the bathroom when he got home from school." I knew Dylan had health problems but I had no idea that they would take his life at age 14 when he still had his whole life ahead of him. I had immediately regretted every time that I had ever been mean to him or made fun of him. Sure, we were kids but we were still family. My neighbor and I were going to spend the night with the girls in my youth group so my sister took us home to get our stuff...I was over my neighbor's house for a little while and she kept telling me that I was going to be all right...I remember yelling "NO, it's not going to be all right! He's gone and there's nothing we can do about it!"...and throughout the night with the girls in my youth group, I couldn't stop crying...I'm so thankful that they were there or I'm not sure what I would have done. I remember everyone telling me that it was going to be okay, but I knew that it wasn't so I responded the same way to everyone, "No, it isn't."...I remember one person in the youth group that I went to, which is now my home church, who went to school with him and was the only one that didn't tell me that it was going to be okay...he told our other cousin and I that he was sorry...I'm not even sure that he knows to this day how much that meant to both of us. I remember the funeral, the funeral home was overflowing with his classmates, his family and other people who were impacted by his death...I remember his pastor talking about what Dylan dreamed to be and how much he cared about other people. I remember feeling bad for his baby brother because he really didn't understand what was going on yet. I remember my friend Megan and I going to put flowers on his grave and we could not find it anywhere so we put them on a tree at the cemetery he was buried at, later to find out that his mom didn't purchase a gravestone. Who can blame her when she lost a child that was so young?

I know that this is a really really sad story but there is a point to it. Hold on to what you have, appreciate what you have and the people in your life because you never know how long they're going to be with you. Don't live life with regrets, make sure you solve your disagreements as soon as they happen. I had a friend who lost her sister and the last thing that she said to her sister is "I hate you!" and I know it still haunts her to this day. Appreciate the people God put in your life. Love your family. Treat them like God called you to treat them. Live life to the fullest.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Time Management

As my friends, sisters in Christ and I continue to participate in our 4 day Facebook fast, I am realizing that I spend way more time on frivolous things than what actually matters. Yes, I am 12 hours away from home. Yes, I use Facebook to communicate with people but is it really necessary to spend so much time on there? It's not like people won't be on tomorrow. What happens on Facebook should not be my first priority. God should be my first priority. The things that I write about, the things that I post are not as valuable if I do not follow my own words. I am realizing that sometimes it's okay to turn off my computer, my cell phone, even music, my thoughts that have nothing to do with anything and whatever else might be distracting me from quiet alone time with God. I know that it really bothers me when I am trying to talk to/hang out with somebody when they're constantly on their phone texting or calling people...it isn't right for me to do the same thing to God. Now that you know about my struggles with time management, where do you spend your time? What is the ratio of time you spend with God to the time you spend doing other unimportant things, such as going on Facebook, writing blogs and tweeting? Don't get me wrong, these are great ministry tools but ministry should not get in the way of our relationship with God.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Loving God when you don't feel like it.

I actually stole the title of this blog from Jeff Deyo's sermon today in chapel...but it really made me think...
I was talking to my friend one day about how a certain artist always repeated themselves over and over again and I didn't like them because of it. He was obviously joking but he's like, "Well, you're going to get bored in Heaven because all they sing is holy, holy, holy!" This never struck me as profound until today...how bored do we as Christians get if we get stuck in routine...praying, reading our Bible, going to church, repeat...it just seems like a continuous loop sometimes...but the problem with this is that God isn't a boring guy...He is exciting and always wanting to show us new things, but we have to be willing to let Him. God isn't willing to take you unless you're willing to go.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Forgiveness

My roommates and I were talking about our backgrounds today, trying to get to know each other and one of my roommates started talking about how she got saved. She said that she kissed someone else's boyfriend at a party and instead of getting mad and beating her up, she told her that in order to make it up to her, she'd have to come to church with her. What an awesome example of forgiveness. Instead of getting mad at her for doing something that was obviously wrong, she loved on this girl and cared about her well-being. This really made me think about how I would react to that kind of situation if I were in the girl's shoes finding out my boyfriend kissed another girl at a party. I honestly would be really mad at both of them for a long time and it would be hard for me to forgive them, especially the way this girl did. The last thing I would want to do was talk to her or him for that matter. But if a girl who was still in high school can show God's unconditional love to a girl who hurt her, why can't I?

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Change...

Change is a difficult thing to cope with...but if there's one thing that I can find comfort in is the verse Phillipians 4:13,
"I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
...that's right, ALL things...not just what I think that I'm capable of...whether or not I feel insignificant, insecure, like I'm being ignored, not good enough, afraid of change or what will happen in 10 years, I am reminded that God is with me every step of the way and He will equip me to do what I'm called to do, whether or not I feel like I'm good enough...sometimes it's just the first step that needs to be taken, God will take care of the rest.

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