You're your own worst critic.

“To make it quite practical I have a very simple test. After I have explained the way of Christ to somebody I say “Now, are you ready to say that you are a Christian?” And they hesitate. And then I say, “What’s the matter? Why are you hesitating?” And so often people say, “I don’t feel like I’m good enough yet. I don’t think I’m ready to say I’m a Christian now.” And at once I know that I have been wasting my breath. They are still thinking in terms of themselves. They have to do it. It sounds very modest to say, “Well, I don’t think I’ good enough,” but it’s a very denial of the faith. The very essence of the Christian faith is to say that He is good enough and I am in Him. As long as you go on thinking about yourself like that and saying, “I’m not good enough; Oh, I’m not good enough,” you are deny God – you are denying the gospel – you are denying the very essence of the faith and you will never be happy. You think you’re better at times and then again you will find you are not as good at other times than you though you were. You will be up and down forever. How can I put it plainly? It doesn’t matter if you have almost entered into the debts of hell. It does not matter if you are guilt of murder as well as every other vile sin. It does not matter from the standpoint of being justified before God at all. You are no more hopeless than the most moral and respectable person in the world.” 
― David Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cure

(This quote has something to do with this blog but nothing to do with this blog at all. It just really spoke to me and it relates to the subject of this particular blog entry.)

So I'm a writer. I know that it's not necessarily evident in a lot of my blogs; I usually write what's on my mind and don't take the time to word it eloquently but I promise that I am. In my writing classes that I have taken, I've learned that every piece of writing is different and just because someone's is different than yours doesn't necessarily mean that you did it wrong or you're a terrible writer. It just means that you have a different writing style. But we're all critical of ourselves which could be either a good thing or a bad thing.   

It's great to be self aware and know what you need to work on. It's unhealthy to never be able to see anything positive about yourself. Hence the phrase, "you're your own worst critic." Today, as I was spending time with the Lord, He revealed to me that I tend to struggle with always feeling that I'm not good enough or not good at anything. For example, last semester I had a difficult time writing a couple of my final papers because they had to be about myself and I didn't know how to talk positively about myself. I can always see strengths in other people but not necessarily in myself. I used to really take it to heart if someone criticized something that I did. I still do unintentionally sometimes. I like to make people happy and I hate failure. I hate it. I like to do things that are expected of me and I hate to disappoint people. Even more, I hate to disappoint myself.

However, God is my healer. He is my redeemer. He is the Creator. How in the world can I have this attitude? I have been created and redeemed by the God of the Universe! The Creator of all! HOW COOL IS THAT!? God created me with my own unique personality, gifts, and talents. You too. I declare in the name of Jesus that I am good enough because I am His creation and I am in Christ Jesus. So are you. Don't let your own criticism of yourself hold you back. I won't either. 

Why I'm glad I didn't grow up in the church...

   Tonight, a few girls on my floor and I gathered in my RA's room for some bonding time. We shared our testimonies, we laughed, we cried, we endured the heat together. The heat in her room, of course.We go to school in Minneapolis. It's cold here. 

  

  From what I recall, all but one of the girls who were in the room grew up in the church. Not that it's a bad thing they grew up in the church, we all have had our equal share of struggles and heartbreak. I'm just glad that I didn't. I used to really wish that I had some kind of religious background instead of the home life that I had. I'm not going to get into detail but let's just say it took a long time to recover from it. To be honest, I'm still recovering. Healing is a process. When sharing my testimony, the first sentence that I said after admitting that I was a little bit nervous, "I did not grow up in the church and I am learning how to be more and more thankful for it every day." 

  I tend to be pretty transparent to anyone who asks me questions about myself but I'm one of those people who you actually have to ask. I don't hide the fact that I didn't grow up in a traditional Christian background or any Christian background. However, I go to a Christian college and as with any Christian environment (at least the ones that I have been in), people tend to assume that I have. Obviously it's human nature to assume but it still kinda stinks when people assume things about you that aren't true. Oh well. I'll get over it.

  I have often been told that I have a different way of bringing things to the table and God has recently taught me that this was because of my upbringing. Not growing up in the church has given me a different perspective on things than a lot of people who did have. I had a different opportunity to grow in my faith than my friends who grew up in the church did. I had a different kind of motivation to continue following God. I had an opportunity to come to a lot of my own conclusions instead of being told what to believe, which in all honesty I don't necessarily think is a bad thing. I learned how important it was to know where people came from and where God brought them from without making assumptions that they came from the same background as me. I developed a different definition of being open minded. Although if I have children, I plan on bringing them up in the church, I am thankful for the different perspective that I developed by not growing up in it. 

Thank you, Jesus.

"A glass can only spill what it contains..."-mewithoutYou

My dear friend once told me that problems are like Tetris...if you don't do anything about it, things build up and you lose. Sometimes I harbor bitter feelings against others, even those who are undeserving, because I don't make an attempt to deal with an already present problem. Hence the phrase "A glass can only spill what it contains..." In a way, our souls are a metaphorical glasses that contain feelings such as hurt, bitterness, infatuation, joy, love, etc.

And your glass will ONLY spill what it contains.

If you hold bitterness inside of you, you will spill bitterness. Trust me. I know from experience.

If you contain hatred, your glass will spill hatred.

If you contain pride, your glass will spill pride.

And the list goes on....

And sometimes it's a horrible mixed drink of pride, bitterness and hatred. The deadliest thing is to mix a trace of one of these things with 4 parts love because it is deceptive. It's almost like mixing a tasteless drug in someone else's drink.

And the worst thing about it? You spill it all over the people around you. You will snap or get angry with people who didn't do anything to you (or those who did) because you're holding your poisonous drink dear.

I don't want to contain pride, bitterness and hatred. I want to contain the joy of the Lord and the love of God. I want to spill it on the people around me so they will know Him. The Bible says you will know them by their fruits...