Sunday, February 27, 2011

I'm going to leave this particular blog open for a discussion because I like to know what other people think about things. I must also warn you that there will be some super mature subject matters mentioned and if you feel uncomfortable discussing it, you may stop reading at any time.

The other day, I got super bothered by a Facebook friend that a mutual friend suggested that I add. She described him as a "holy-spirit filled, on fire Christian"...I don't always trust her judgment but I figured it wouldn't hurt to be Facebook friends with somebody. I'm sure she had ulterior motives but whatever. I had been semi-bothered by things that he posted on Facebook before but I just ignored it...but then the other day, I read this note by him and immediately deleted him. He was talking about legalism and how he used to be legalistic. Nothing wrong with that...very common subject matter for Christians to write about anymore...then he started to write about sexuality and how he used to try and avoid pornography and masturbation and whatever...WHOA. This is not okay. There is a fine line between not being legalistic and being completely irreverent. One, scripture says lusting in your heart is adultery. Two, people are not to be looked at as objects. I would say women but I feel like in modern times, many women are addicted to pornography. Do you guys find this anti-legalism movement as harmful to Christians as I do? (I mean this particular one, not anti-legalism in general)

I feel like if someone enters into the faith via this movement, they will not know God for who He is but worship their newfound 'freedom' (which isn't really free because they're still stuck in bondage)

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Woman at the Well

I find the story of the woman at the well an inspiring story. Many of us feel like the woman at the well sometimes, ashamed and broken but God always looks at us with love and tells us the truth in love...how Jesus approached her without judgment and asked her to get a drink for Him. Just a lowly Gentile. In that time, Jews would NOT speak to the Gentiles and would go out of their way to avoid them at all costs. I was praying for a few people in chapel today and gave a girl I didn't know a word of knowledge, prayed for another girl's healing and prayed for peace in someone else...getting to the point where I asked God He trusted me with so much...I felt like the woman at the well, a lowly Gentile...except for I'm just a college sophomore, studying Social Work...why not a ministry major or something? The answer was simple, "You are willing to go wherever I lead you to" God will trust you with awesome things if you step forward and say, "I am willing, wherever You lead, I'll go."

Also, I wrote a poem about the woman at the well...well, more inspired by which I might make into spoken word one day and it probably has nothing to do with this blog...maybe it does.

This filthy dishrag water reminds me of myself,
once pure and clear and innocent but then I
mixed myself with dirt and made myself into mud,
became something that I never wanted to become.
All I really wanted, all I really needed was to be loved
so I searched and I searched, in every nook and every cranny .

I thought that I found it but it only turned out to be the
cheap alternative to what love really is. Love, where
are you? Am I looking for you in all the wrong places? Am
I looking at all the wrong faces? Maybe if I just sit here and
wait, real and true authentic love will come to me in the form
of something I will never expect.

In light of day, I continue to be alone. I hide behind who I
appear to be but I am willing to be whoever he wants me to be,
all I need is to be loved...

Thursday, February 17, 2011

As of yesterday, it's been 5 years...FIVE years. I thought I was almost over it and he was just a distant memory but around this time every year, I still remember. I don't know if there will ever be a time that I don't remember. I can't even listen to the song "Jesus loves me" anymore without wanting to cry.

I can still remember everything that happened when I found out that he was gone...my sister came and picked my neighbor and I up from a choir concert. She pulls off to the side and starts crying, "Dylan's gone." WHAT!? It can't possibly be my cousin who was a year younger than I was..."Cousin...Dylan?" "Yeah, he's gone. Jordan found him dead in the bathroom when he got home from school." I knew Dylan had health problems but I had no idea that they would take his life at age 14 when he still had his whole life ahead of him. I had immediately regretted every time that I had ever been mean to him or made fun of him. Sure, we were kids but we were still family. My neighbor and I were going to spend the night with the girls in my youth group so my sister took us home to get our stuff...I was over my neighbor's house for a little while and she kept telling me that I was going to be all right...I remember yelling "NO, it's not going to be all right! He's gone and there's nothing we can do about it!"...and throughout the night with the girls in my youth group, I couldn't stop crying...I'm so thankful that they were there or I'm not sure what I would have done. I remember everyone telling me that it was going to be okay, but I knew that it wasn't so I responded the same way to everyone, "No, it isn't."...I remember one person in the youth group that I went to, which is now my home church, who went to school with him and was the only one that didn't tell me that it was going to be okay...he told our other cousin and I that he was sorry...I'm not even sure that he knows to this day how much that meant to both of us. I remember the funeral, the funeral home was overflowing with his classmates, his family and other people who were impacted by his death...I remember his pastor talking about what Dylan dreamed to be and how much he cared about other people. I remember feeling bad for his baby brother because he really didn't understand what was going on yet. I remember my friend Megan and I going to put flowers on his grave and we could not find it anywhere so we put them on a tree at the cemetery he was buried at, later to find out that his mom didn't purchase a gravestone. Who can blame her when she lost a child that was so young?

I know that this is a really really sad story but there is a point to it. Hold on to what you have, appreciate what you have and the people in your life because you never know how long they're going to be with you. Don't live life with regrets, make sure you solve your disagreements as soon as they happen. I had a friend who lost her sister and the last thing that she said to her sister is "I hate you!" and I know it still haunts her to this day. Appreciate the people God put in your life. Love your family. Treat them like God called you to treat them. Live life to the fullest.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Time Management

As my friends, sisters in Christ and I continue to participate in our 4 day Facebook fast, I am realizing that I spend way more time on frivolous things than what actually matters. Yes, I am 12 hours away from home. Yes, I use Facebook to communicate with people but is it really necessary to spend so much time on there? It's not like people won't be on tomorrow. What happens on Facebook should not be my first priority. God should be my first priority. The things that I write about, the things that I post are not as valuable if I do not follow my own words. I am realizing that sometimes it's okay to turn off my computer, my cell phone, even music, my thoughts that have nothing to do with anything and whatever else might be distracting me from quiet alone time with God. I know that it really bothers me when I am trying to talk to/hang out with somebody when they're constantly on their phone texting or calling people...it isn't right for me to do the same thing to God. Now that you know about my struggles with time management, where do you spend your time? What is the ratio of time you spend with God to the time you spend doing other unimportant things, such as going on Facebook, writing blogs and tweeting? Don't get me wrong, these are great ministry tools but ministry should not get in the way of our relationship with God.