Tears are Healing

I am finally back in Minneapolis and I'm not going to lie, it's been a rather difficult summer for me emotionally. I had a lot of people talk to me about really difficult things that they're worried about or going through which I don't mind but it makes me worry about them or what's going to become of some things. I spent three days crying last week because what was an attempt to apologize so I could get rid of bitterness toward a person who I am close to turned into a personal attack. I have felt forgotten, not cared about and ignored by people who I used to be so close to and even ones that I am around all the time. I have been cut down and verbally abused by family members.

Although it seems like I am complaining (which I kind of am), complaining is not my main purpose of this blog. Toward the beginning of the summer, a guy came and guest spoke at a service for a ministry that I am involved in and at the end of the service, he was praying for people that needed healing and deliverance in the center of the room. I didn't feel like I was supposed to get up and have him pray for me so I remained in my seat. He came up to me eventually and prayed that God will heal the scars. Right then, tears started flowing down my face. I didn't realize that I had hidden scars. I had to learn a lot of stuff...confidence (which I am still working on), confrontation, forgiveness...etc. Needless to say, I spent a lot of my summer in tears and it was extremely hard for me. I hate to cry. I hate people to know that I'm not always emotionally strong. I hate to have to tell people that they have really hurt me. I hate to be open with people about how I'm feeling because I feel like they aren't listening to me. I've always tried to cover up my hurt with humor and sarcasm instead. (and it's still there, just in a different form.) And for the last two days, I cannot stop laughing...I feel so much more at peace than I have all summer and so much happier. I am not freaking out every two seconds about what someone else thinks of me. God has began to heal my scars through my tears and for the first time in my life, I finally feel like I'm free.