I am only writing about this in a public venue because I know that others can relate to this and it's okay to get it out, it's okay to be honest about what you're feeling. It's probably more detrimental to hold things in than it is to let them out.
I love people more than almost anything else in this world besides God obviously. At the same time, I really can't stand people. Apparently, that's what loving other people means. Caring about someone more than anything else even if sometimes, you can't stand them. Unconditional love might be another name for it.
I am also afraid of people. I live my life in fear of man, not necessarily fear of man in a spiritual sense but fear of being hurt. Fear of what people think about me. Fear of not fitting in. Fear of being the person people gossiped about. Fear of not being loved. Fear of being rejected. Fear of what happened in the past manifesting itself in the present. I have realized that I really haven't fully given any of this to God and it is leaving unhealed aspects of myself, keeping me in bondage and preventing me from fully becoming the woman God wants me to be.
I realized that this isn't beneficial to me at all. I am ready to let go of my fear. I am ready to give everything to God and let Him heal me from the inside. I am willing to let Him use me outside of my comfort zone. I am ready to not be afraid of relationships with other people. I am ready to speak life into others instead of cutting them down to make myself feel better. I am ready to be fully confident in myself. I am ready to be out of bondage and set free.I am ready to fully be the woman that God has called me to be.
"Spirit of the living God fall fresh on me
Melt me, mold me, fill me, use me"
2 comments:
:) This is beautiful, Emily. Thanks for sharing this. In someways I think that we all struggle with these fears. And, yes it is good to let go of these fears and trust God.
<3 Carrie
Hey kid!
Everything here, wonderfully said. I couldn't have expressed it better myself. Often times the quick sand we all feel like we're sinking into is really just the hole that we've dug ourselves in due to fear and doubt. Fortunately, we serve a God whose strength is unmatched and whose love for us breaks the chains of inadequacy.
Can't wait to hear more from you!
Always,
Cabbage Patch
foreveryourimage.blogspot.com
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