As of yesterday, it's been 5 years...FIVE years. I thought I was almost over it and he was just a distant memory but around this time every year, I still remember. I don't know if there will ever be a time that I don't remember. I can't even listen to the song "Jesus loves me" anymore without wanting to cry.

I can still remember everything that happened when I found out that he was gone...my sister came and picked my neighbor and I up from a choir concert. She pulls off to the side and starts crying, "Dylan's gone." WHAT!? It can't possibly be my cousin who was a year younger than I was..."Cousin...Dylan?" "Yeah, he's gone. Jordan found him dead in the bathroom when he got home from school." I knew Dylan had health problems but I had no idea that they would take his life at age 14 when he still had his whole life ahead of him. I had immediately regretted every time that I had ever been mean to him or made fun of him. Sure, we were kids but we were still family. My neighbor and I were going to spend the night with the girls in my youth group so my sister took us home to get our stuff...I was over my neighbor's house for a little while and she kept telling me that I was going to be all right...I remember yelling "NO, it's not going to be all right! He's gone and there's nothing we can do about it!"...and throughout the night with the girls in my youth group, I couldn't stop crying...I'm so thankful that they were there or I'm not sure what I would have done. I remember everyone telling me that it was going to be okay, but I knew that it wasn't so I responded the same way to everyone, "No, it isn't."...I remember one person in the youth group that I went to, which is now my home church, who went to school with him and was the only one that didn't tell me that it was going to be okay...he told our other cousin and I that he was sorry...I'm not even sure that he knows to this day how much that meant to both of us. I remember the funeral, the funeral home was overflowing with his classmates, his family and other people who were impacted by his death...I remember his pastor talking about what Dylan dreamed to be and how much he cared about other people. I remember feeling bad for his baby brother because he really didn't understand what was going on yet. I remember my friend Megan and I going to put flowers on his grave and we could not find it anywhere so we put them on a tree at the cemetery he was buried at, later to find out that his mom didn't purchase a gravestone. Who can blame her when she lost a child that was so young?

I know that this is a really really sad story but there is a point to it. Hold on to what you have, appreciate what you have and the people in your life because you never know how long they're going to be with you. Don't live life with regrets, make sure you solve your disagreements as soon as they happen. I had a friend who lost her sister and the last thing that she said to her sister is "I hate you!" and I know it still haunts her to this day. Appreciate the people God put in your life. Love your family. Treat them like God called you to treat them. Live life to the fullest.