Hey, do you think that we could just be friends?

Disclaimer: This is not directed at a single person...

I noticed you noticing me...no, this isn't another one of those cliché love stories where we run toward each other when we are the only ones in the whole world,  lace our fingers together then  I wrap my arms around your neck and yours around my waist and we dance and dance until we can leave and  live happily ever after.  It's the opposite. The exact opposite.  I felt you staring at me and I quickly glanced over to see if it was someone or just a figment of my imagination.

When I noticed it was you, I jerked my head away from your direction so you don't think that I even remotely feel the same….but I saw you smile at me...more of your jungle of nasty facial hair that covers most of your face slightly moving where the corners of your mouth are supposed to be. I know that stare, like a little puppy dog begging at the dinner table drooling all over the floor. I HATE THAT STARE. I don't want you the way that you want me so please, please just leave me be. 

Taking a Step of Faith

I scan the crowd searching for something more than what is right in front of me...I make eye contact with countless people, smile and continue searching. Suddenly our eyes meet...I am drawn in by the compassion that fills Your eyes...I take a step toward You and You take a step toward me without taking our eyes off of each other. You hold out Your hand for me to take...I step back, afraid....You continue looking at me with Your compassionate eyes with your hand extended....after my lengthy hesitation, I take Your hand. I trust You. Wherever You lead, I will go.

Somewhere in my imagination...

You intrigue me; I long to know the mysteries that are hidden within the light of your eyes. They do not reflect crystal clear water or the green sea, they reflect the mud in a remote pond somewhere that most people do not know about. This is not gross to me, it's fascinating. The beauty that lies within you is much more prominent than your outward beauty, although both your inner and outward beauty amaze me. Instead of seeing what lies beneath, there are layers and layers of you where most people would give up digging to find who you really are but I will not give up. I want to know who you really are. When I find out, we can interlock fingers along the unlevel concrete among broken people who are searching for themselves. Most people do not find this beautiful but to us, we are walking across streets of gold and sidewalk made of precious jewels among princes and princesses whose smiles give off the same light as diamonds do.

You can do it!!

Now I'm not saying that there's anything necessarily wrong with this but sometimes I feel like Christianity has turned into a never ending, cliche-laced motivational speech...

Satan has deceived you into thinking that you're not good enough but I will tell you what my friend, you were created in His image! You were made to do great things, there's such a powerful calling on your life, you just have to receive it! Just give God control of your life, let Him take the lead! You may have made mistakes in the past but Jesus died on the cross for you so you can repent and not feel guilty about it! When you repent, He washes you white as snow and forgets your wrongdoing. He keeps no record of your sin! You no longer have to live in sin, you have been crucified with Christ. Your "old man" is gone and you're alive! I'm here for you if you need help! You can do it with the help of God! Praise Jesus! Hallelujah!!

Even though this is kind of a silly way of explaining it, I believe every single sentence above is complete truth. 

A lot of people who say things like this to people (I have been guilty.) make this an automatic response and don't completely believe what they're saying is true. Now there is a such thing as speaking by faith but there is also a such thing as lying. Encouraging someone in a manner that is not heartfelt and honest can be more damaging than telling the that they will never amount to anything.

PS: I never said that encouragement wasn't important, it's very very important to encourage one another but if it isn't heartfelt and honest, then it shouldn't be said. It's not much different than lying. 

Christianity should not be a motivational speech, Christianity (Well, knowing God) should be a life-transforming experience. Walk the walk instead of just talking the talk. Mean what you say. Say what you mean. Believe what you say. Say what you believe.

It's okay to be broken. It's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay.

I think that we as Christians (or maybe it's just me) have this misconstrued idea that we have to be strong all the time. I remember when I moved away from Michigan the first time and I had a few really close friends who were amazing on fire Christians and when I moved back about 6 months later, none of them were following God anymore. I was talking to a friend about it and he told me that they used me as a pillar to lean on and when I left, they had nothing left to lean on. Of course they should have been leaning on God and not me, but this put a huge burden on me that I needed to stay strong for people.

This was 3 years ago and up until a few months ago, I was even afraid to share my feelings or what I was struggling with  because I had this idea in my head that I had to be strong ALL the time or people would be disappointed in me I wouldn't be the person that they thought I was (Oh and I'm kind of shy which doesn't help.) Thankfully, I had people stronger than me who I trusted and that encouraged me (by force) to get out of my bubble and talk about what I was going through. This was just a first step thing...from bottling everything up inside for so long (and other factors from way back when), I developed an over sensitivity when people tried to talk to me about something I was doing wrong especially if they approached it the wrong way. I honestly never receive it well at first and it takes a while for me to think about it and realize that person was right on. I just never want to admit it but I will think about what they said and work on it.

About 3 weeks ago, I felt like I needed to tell a friend who was in a leadership position over me that it was okay for her to be broken and  it's okay for her to vulnerable, she doesn't have to be strong all the time. Yesterday, another friend who is also in a leadership position over me was talking about how about 3 weeks ago, God revealed to her that it was okay to be broken and vulnerable. I didn't really realize until today that it was also a word for me. Why else would two friends who are completely unaware of each other's existence get the same word from God and I heard it for one of them and from one of them?

Vulnerable means  "open to moral attack. criticism, temptation, etc." 


Being open makes you vulnerable but sometimes when someone that looks up to you and realizes that you're not strong all the time will encourage them to know that they aren't alone in this and things will get better as long as you take that first step. Admit that you're having a hard time. Admit that you're struggling. God will use someone else to help you through this. You don't have to be strong all the time.

"There is Hope"- Bradley Hathaway

This poem has been really encouraging for me and I hope it is the same for you. =)

Meeting God where you're at.

Confession time: I was having a really difficult time worshiping this morning at church because the lady leading was really noticeably off key (I also usually get distracted by spelling/grammatical errors on slides) and the girls singing back up were singing something completely different, not much different than cacophony. I know that's bad to think...their hearts were in the worship, I just didn't like the way that they sounded and it was really hard for me to focus on God...so I did what any normal person who can't focus would do and started looking around at people (which I could get away with since I wasn't at my own church ;)) Most people had their hands at their sides and were blankly staring forward but I noticed one woman in the front row who was really, genuinely worshiping God...no matter how bad the music sounded or what everyone else was doing, this woman was focused on God and God only. This is what meeting God where you're at looks like...no matter the surrounding circumstances or environment, you are focused on God and God only. 

Not only do we meet God where we're at, He meets us where we're at...when you feel like you're so far away from God that you can never go back, when you feel like He is just out of reach...when you've messed up...when you are straddling the fence of Godliness and worldliness and you want to go toward Godliness, when you are so close to Him, you don't feel like you can get any closer...He will meet you where you're at...grab your hand and take you where you need to be....grab your hand and take you further than you could ever imagine you would go. Just keep seeking Him. You WILL find Him.