(I wish this phrase was original but it isn't. I read it on a Facebook status and it inspired me.)
Is love an idiot or am I an idiot? I knew from the beginning that I never would have a chance but I entertained the thought that it might...possibly...maybe...happen. Maybe I was right. I secretly hope that I wasn't but I'm sure I am. I know all of the cliche answers, most of all "just wait. Focus on God. Be content." I am not at peace with these answers. I can't help it, I have the mind of a poet where everything inside is a beautiful painting of feelings and possible scenarios sprawled across the sunset; your perfect smile lighting up the near darkness. It really stinks that this scene will probably never take place outside of my head. One eye is searching through the darkness for another adventure and someone else to care about that may care about me back because I know you're only in my imagination.
It is almost like we have a choice to love someone or not to love them. Funny how we think that we can be around someone who is near perfect and not fall head over heels for them. It amuses me how we think that it's possible...but I don't think that it is. I think that everything under the sun has a reason, including love...whether or not it's reciprocated. A life lesson if you will. The real question is; is love an idiot or am I?
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Pointless Bitterness...
God has been teaching me a lot about forgiveness lately...after my first year out of high school, a girl that I know hurt a lot of people that were close to me at the time. As I am very, very protective of my friends and sometimes try to fight their battles (I'm working on it.), I decided that I didn't like her anymore. Fast forward three years, this girl just happened to live in very close proximity to me in the dorms. I automatically put up a defense after three years of bitterness being built up and tried to make as little contact with her as possible. I wasn't necessarily rude or anything, I just wanted very limited conversation. I have known since last semester I was supposed to talk to her about it and forgive her...I'm going to be completely honest right now, I made every possible excuse in the book to avoid it.
and the list goes on...and on...and on...
On Sunday night, we had a worship night and she was sitting very close to where I was. God was like, "Hey...you need to forgive her." I was speechless...I didn't really know what I was supposed to say...I planned on giving all of the reasons why I was bitter to God and figuring out why I was so bitter....wait, uh...God? Can I just forgive her without me saying anything? PLEASE. PLEASE. Exactly what I was planning on doing. He had other plans. I started to pray but it kept coming up in my mind...so I did what any good Godly woman would do, I instead wrote in my journal...everyone is going to hurt me at some point. Keep it to myself... so I started to think about all of the reasons that I was bitter and what she has done to me personally...I thought for a second...five minutes passed...nothing. This girl has never done anything to me personally. Ever.
After this worship night was over, I went up to her and explained that I was holding onto this bitterness for three years for absolutely nothing. Nothing. What a waste of time. I apologized to her and she explained to me how a couple of people have told her that I didn't really like her and she didn't know why I didn't like her but it meant the world to her that I apologized. I had no idea either.
A good friend once told me that problems are like Tetris and if you don't do anything about it, the blocks...your hatred...your bitterness...your stupidity...will build up...and eventually, you will lose. I almost lost this game by holding onto something completely pointless. It was hindering me from having a solid relationship with God and other people.
Let God search you. What kind of pointless things are you holding onto? Forgive them and let God's love replace your bitterness...your hatred...whatever. Let Him set you free.
- I'm really shy.
- I didn't really know what to say.
- I didn't really want to.
and the list goes on...and on...and on...
On Sunday night, we had a worship night and she was sitting very close to where I was. God was like, "Hey...you need to forgive her." I was speechless...I didn't really know what I was supposed to say...I planned on giving all of the reasons why I was bitter to God and figuring out why I was so bitter....wait, uh...God? Can I just forgive her without me saying anything? PLEASE. PLEASE. Exactly what I was planning on doing. He had other plans. I started to pray but it kept coming up in my mind...so I did what any good Godly woman would do, I instead wrote in my journal...everyone is going to hurt me at some point. Keep it to myself... so I started to think about all of the reasons that I was bitter and what she has done to me personally...I thought for a second...five minutes passed...nothing. This girl has never done anything to me personally. Ever.
After this worship night was over, I went up to her and explained that I was holding onto this bitterness for three years for absolutely nothing. Nothing. What a waste of time. I apologized to her and she explained to me how a couple of people have told her that I didn't really like her and she didn't know why I didn't like her but it meant the world to her that I apologized. I had no idea either.
A good friend once told me that problems are like Tetris and if you don't do anything about it, the blocks...your hatred...your bitterness...your stupidity...will build up...and eventually, you will lose. I almost lost this game by holding onto something completely pointless. It was hindering me from having a solid relationship with God and other people.
Let God search you. What kind of pointless things are you holding onto? Forgive them and let God's love replace your bitterness...your hatred...whatever. Let Him set you free.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)